Thursday 10 July 2014

BROKEN NEWS: Clegg Just Wants Someone To Listen

A special cabinet meeting will be called later today to usher through an emergency law. It will ensure security organisations can continue to monitor phone and internet communications, a move that Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg defended by stating to disinterested journalists, “I just want someone to listen to me.”

Nick Clegg: "Is this thing on?"
Source: Wikimedia http://tinyurl.com/ole86nz

David Cameron interrupted a tearful Clegg by saying the Data Retention and Investigation Powers Bill would be used to fight “criminals and terrorism”, adding that it probably would not be used to monitor Clegg in any way.

Rushing through laws is rare, with political analysts supposing that the short time-frame points to government ministers not wanting to have to listen to the Lib Dem leader’s whining on that, or any other issue. It is thought the laws will contain a “sunset clause” so they lapse after the inconspicuous Clegg has left government.

“This is not the prelude to a “Snoopers’ Charter” by the back door.” the Prime Minister said, conceivably meaning the complete opposite.

The bill covers when a call was made and who it was made by and to, unless either protagonist is the current Lib Dem leader.

Clegg said, “I believe that successive governments have neglected civil liberties…” Before the press conference was abruptly terminated, the Prime Minister leaving without acknowledging his deputy.

“I’ll email you all what I was going to say.” Clegg reportedly shouted over the bustle. “Check your spam filters, ok?”

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