BROKEN NEWS: PM Increasingly Resistant to Antibiotics

Doctors have claimed that Prime Minister David Cameron is increasingly resistant to antibiotics, the drugs usually used to kill bacteria and parasites. Medical experts claimed that an uninhibited David Cameron could see Britain "cast back into the dark ages.”

Probably Infectious: Prime Minister David Cameron

(source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/number10gov/4604300074)

If the medical industry fails to act, by plunging millions of pounds into researching new drugs, “we are looking at an almost unthinkable scenario” which could see Cameron blunder, unhindered into a second term as Prime Minister.

No new classes of antibiotics have been created in more than 25 years, a time period which happens to coincide with the drug-resistant strain of David Cameron’s career in politics.

“David Cameron has been systematically destroying the NHS, in an insidious bid to remove the very institution that is trying to drug him into submission,” Dr Louise Fleming stated. “But, the biggest worry is that other antimicrobial-resistant politicians emerge before new research can bring about effective results.”

Incentives are required to encourage medical firms to invest in costly and long-term research projects. “Doctors will only prescribe these new antibiotics as a last resort, against David Cameron, so the drug companies will need some form of monetary stimulus or the research won’t pay for itself. And that money would have to come from the government.” Dr Fleming concluded.

“Fuck. He really has got us all over a barrel, hasn’t he?”

Critics of the medical industry claimed that more should have been done to combat David Cameron before the resistance to antibiotics was developed, with some claiming that the Prime Minister might not be a bacterial parasite at all.

“Then what is he?” Dr Fleming said. “I’ve heard people call him a lizard. An irredeemable pile of rodent excrement. The human embodiment of Decepticon leader, Megatron. But, I see nothing that persuades me he’s anything more than a particularly virulent pathogen.”